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How to stop ourselves from yelling?

Updated: Feb 27, 2021

Stop yelling at kids? Sounds like an impossible mission for parents in Asia. But it is possible. At first, it may seem like the most difficult thing to do; it will eventually get easier. I've seen many Asian parents do it, and they have said it to be the most rewarding experience for them - both themselves and their family.

In the previous blog post, we talked about the possible source and triggers for our anger. Today, we are going to uncover the secret of not yelling when you're angry. Here's how.

Physical Signs of Anger

Before we go into the beast mode of yelling or spanking, our body will send us a series of warning signals. It is good to be aware of these blinking signals, aka physical changes in us, so we can learn to control our anger before reacting to it.

What you can do:

1. Take 10 deep breaths

2. Clench and unclench your fist 10 times

3. Say this to yourself "I can regulate my anger," and repeat 3 times

What you shouldn't do:

1. Yell at your kids

2. Spank them

3. Say awful things you don't mean

When you check in with your emotions, you are bringing your consciousness back to the present moment. You can now rationalise and reason better so you won't act out without thinking.

Step Away If You Have To

If the above practices are not enough to put out the fire in you, I'll suggest that you step away from that environment for a short moment. Removing yourself from danger is the best way to cope with those overwhelming feelings built up inside you.

During this time, any form of teaching or discipline towards your kids is not going to work. Because all they see is someone unable to regulate emotions, and all they hear is angry gibberish. So resist from doing that. The most important lesson you can give your kids at this moment is to show them how to regulate emotions maturely.

The Power of Love

Often, we get angry at kids because we love them. We want to be the ones to protect them from danger and to teach them to do right from wrong. But, the expression of love should not be confused with anger. Don't let anger overpower the love you have for your children. Instead, express your love through compassion, respect and wisdom. When kids make mistakes, we should empathise and guide them in the right direction. Not condemning them or hurting them.

During difficult times, hug them, say words of encouragement and tell them these three most powerful words, "I love you." You'll realise how calming and positive this can be for you and your kids.

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