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There's more to children's behaviour: What you see is only the tip of the iceberg


Do you hear yourself saying these phrases to your kids?


"Stop crying!", "stop pushing your sister!", "don't throw that or I'll hit you."


Don't they all sound familiar? Now and then you wonder why children do the thing they do. Sometimes these behaviours are so absurd; you can't even wrap your head around it. You constantly find yourself asking "why can't they just behave?"


Because there's more to children's behaviours, when children behave a certain way, be it crying, hitting, or pushing, they communicate something to us. Due to the lack of communication skills at a young age, children often tell us how they feel through unconscious negative actions.


It is like a warning signal of what's going on under the tip of the iceberg.


As parents, instead of punishing bad behaviours, our job is to dig deeper and find out the WHYs behind these SIGNALS. Below is a diagram to help you understand better.



There's always a reason behind each misbehaviour. When we punish behaviours without finding its source, we won't be able to see permanent improvements in our children, just like sweeping dirt under the rug without truly addressing the problem.


For behaviours to have long term changes and positive progression, parents have to dig under the iceberg. Before going into the whole yelling and punishing phase, why not take a pause, step back and ask yourself these questions:

  1. Why is my child behaving this way?

  2. Is there anything (under the iceberg) that is bothering him?

  3. How do I make this better? What is the solution?

When we reflect, it allows us to put ourselves in our child's shoes and see things from their perspective. Instead of treating misbehaviours as something negative, why not take it as a learning process for both you and your kids. It is also the perfect time to strengthen your relationship with the kids.

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